Are You Ready to Get Married?

Humans are naturally selfish, and since our culture is very self focused this trait is amplified in large segments of society.
However marriage, a marriage that is happy and healthy has to have two people who are willing to become LESS SELFISH.
Each has to desire to grow in LOVE. Love is sacrificial giving. Which is antithetical to our nature. But it is necessary and our souls actually desire to grow in character and we become better people by learning to love well.

FIRST! ARE YOU AN ADULT? 
Beyond the age of 18 year old -however you also need the understanding that a healthy marriage relationship is not luck, it is the product of committed to growing in character qualities and learning the skill sets needed to have a healthy marriage relationship.

  • Are you able to take care of yourself: physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually.
  • Are you conscientious? Meaning do yo understand that your words and actions affects those around you?

Are you ready for marriage? A checklist

  • Are you ready to be committed and true to you partner?
  • Do you have something to give?
  • Low maintenance -able to deal with your emotions. 
  • Are you working and able to support yourself?
  • Do you pay your bills on time?
  • Are you able to communicate and work through issues with family and work?
  • Can you take care of yourself (cook, clean, health)?
  • Are you able to discern between good and bad friendships?
  • Are you emotionally stable and able to maintain good relationships?
  • She/he should not have to check your phone or question your word.
  • Are you TRUSTWORTHY? If not you are NOT an ADULT!

You might be 30years old, but you are really a 17 yo in a 30 year old body.
It is time to grow up. 
If not don’t date yet. Work on it.

Let’s Reverse Engineer the Top Reasons for Marriage to Help you NOT to get Divorced!
Top Reasons for Divorce
1. Commitment
2. Communication
3. Cheating
4. Chores (wife), Finances (husband)

1. Commitment is the quality of being dedicated to a cause, an agreement or pledge to do something in the future.
Most couples do not understand what it truly takes to make a marriage work. Commitment is putting in the work, effort and heart to continue to make the marriage work. They fell in love, which was actually romantic love based on endorphins and physical attraction and an optimistic viewpoint.

The marriage vows are a pledge of commitment. I take you (wife/husband) for better or worse, sickness and health, for richer or poorer, til death do us part.

You Can Learn to Commit
Become aware of the area you are lacking in or where you are weak, and be willing to change. Focus on that area and commit to improving it which builds character! Most people do not talk about the benefit of marriage improving our character. We grow exponentially as a married couple, we learn to give and sacrifice in ways we never thought we would be able to do. This is the hard part of marriage, where the two become one that most couples have problems in.
Excellent article “The Five Levels of Commitment” by Howard Partridge

2. Communication is the ability to explain what you are feeling and what is important to you. It is a two way process of exchanging ideas, feelings, thoughts, ideals between people to build understanding. This also includes non-verbal cue like facial expressions, stance, arms crossed or a big smile, hugs.

You Can Learn to Communicate

3. Cheating is betraying your spouse. Being sexual with someone other than your spouse, but also sharing yourself in ways that are reserved for your marriage relationship such as looking sexually at someone else; revealing your innermost being with someone who is not your spouse. Giving your affection, attention and love to someone other then your spouse.

You Can Learn to Be Completely Faithful

4. Chores (wife): The fourth reason wives file for divorce is over chores. Husbands and men are like, “I completely do not understand what she is talking about?”. But they are both working full time jobs and yet the wife is still expected to cook, clean, take care of the children, do all the scheduling like doctors appointments and making sure the kids get to where they need to be and unfortunately the husband tends to be another child and doesn’t love his wife as he should and help her because she is drowning.

4. Finances (husband): The fourth reason husbands file for divorce is because the wife is not hearing the husband when he’s saying honey we can’t afford that, or your spending to much! She just continues to spend and gets the family in a financial crisis and then the husband has to figure out a way to pay for her excess purchases. The wife is not loving her husband as she should and understand and hear what he is saying. She’s acting like a child and being irresponsible and putting their family into a financial crisis.

We can choose to learn to be a better spouse any where in our marriage journey!

RESOURCES:
Book Excerpt READ: The 200 Hours from Now Until I Say, “I Do!”
It combines “Wedding Planning” with “Marriage Planning“.
It helps engaged couples practice communication, compromise and understanding what is truly important in life. It gives them the tools to bring into their marriage to fix any problem they might have.