What kind of family do you have?
What kind of family were you raised in?
What kind of family do you want?
These could be three very different responses to one very complex question. Here we will use a traditional family setting. Family culture the family we were raised in might not have been a traditional family. Mother, Father, children. The type of family we have affects the type of family we will have unless we purposely chose something different. Unless circumstances cause us o have something different.
But the best structure for family is a traditional family. It has the soonest outcomes for children and highest satisfaction data for parents. That doesn’t disqualify other family types, it just means we have to adjust and work harder in certain areas and be aware and make the best of what we have.
What it is, how it effects us, how to keep it strong or improve, or create a healthy culture if needed. Were you raised by happily married parents, single mom or foster care? How we were raised directly affects our view of marriage and family life style.
What kind of family do you want? But even more important then ow you were raised, is what you want your life to be like.
I was born to a modern woman back almost 60 years ago. I don’t think I ever saw my father and I was in and out of foster homes since birth and because of that I sustained A LOT of trauma. I had a lot of baggage. But my heart wanted a family. I wanted something real. A real home filled with love, forgiveness, fun, joy and laughter and strength. A healthy happy environment with my husband to raise our children with. I have though a lot about how I was able with God’s help to create a happy healthy home life. People have often asked me, “How are you so well balanced and happy?”.
I always turned toward real and good. I wanted to build something beautiful. I made lots of mistakes. I had watched my mother and learned from her mistakes. My motto was, “Whatever choice my mother would make, the opposite is the right thing to do.” And that’s what I did. That kept me going in a generally good direction. I was cautious and easily scared.
1- I read a lot of good books- books that showed good family’s. All had conflict and problems but always happy endings. Heidi, the little princess, little women, Harriet the spy, a tree grows in Brooklyn. I escaped into worlds filled with problems that families were able to resolve and hug make up be kind to each other figure grow and be healthy.
2-I went to a lot of different churches in my neighborhood. Each one was kind and good, so when my husband and I became parents we quickly realized we needed help in parenting and said, “Let’s go to church!” Because wonderful people had left a godly example of true Christian virtue. I though to myself I want to be Iike those people. So we started to read the Bible and found a wonderful Bible teaching church (*how to choose a good church -very important).
We know (*stats) that man and women get married then have children is the best way to have a healthy and happy family. But life is messy. It takes commitment, perseverance, forgiveness, strength and hard work to create anything worthwhile, how much more a family. We all make choices and decisions every day that effect our lives for better or worse. We want love, compassion, kindness so we have to learn to chose better. Make better choices when it comes to ourselves and the person we want to become. What kind of person do you want to be?
I used to ask my kids, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”, but now I ask “What KIND of person do you want to be?”.
Why the difference? As a parent we all worry about our children being able to support themselves. Financial stress chips away at marriages and adds a lot of worry to young adults starting to pay bills for the first time. We know how hard it is.
But my husband, myself and my children have changed professions a lot over the years, but the person we are we take with us everywhere we go. The person we are affects every decision we make.